Helping Your Child Start a Small Business

Posted on August 22, 2011 by Suzita

During the Depression my stepfather, Dan, helped his family survive by purchasing fruit and vegetables at the farmers’ market.  Then he sold them door to door in the wealthier neighborhoods of his city from his homemade wooden wagon.  He was 8 when he launched his career as an entrepreneur.

When I was a child of similar age, Dan wanted my sister and me to begin learning about money-making ventures.  Our first idea was selling vegetable seeds door to door.  Dan loaned us the money to buy the seeds and made it clear we would need to repay him before counting our profits.  We set out through our neighborhood of townhouses on a warm June morning.  After about six neighbors politely replied “no thanks” to our hopeful 7 and 9 year-old faces, the seventh neighbor informed us that kids had come by selling vegetable seeds the week before.  That was my first (rather painful) lesson in the value of market research.

When my two older kids reached similar ages, Dan asked if they’d started a business yet.  “No,” I responded sheepishly.  They’d started soccer, piano, and all the other “classes” that kids these days are kept busy with, but not a business.  I stuck this suggestion into my mind’s “yet one more thing to do” file.

The next weekend my sons were washing our cars in the driveway when a neighbor inquired whether they would wash his car next.  “Sure!” they excitedly responded.  My husband and I helped them decide on a price for the job.  After paying them our neighbor asked, “What’s the name of your business going to be?”  The boys loved this idea, in addition to the green bills in their hands, and quickly generated the name “Stephen and Daniel’s Neighborhood Services.”

Their business is now in its fourth year.  They’ve created billing statements, a logo, and fliers to distribute at neighborhood block parties and the local park.

The main services they offer are:

  • Leaf raking and bagging
  • Bringing in mail and watering plants when a neighbor is away
  • Cat, fish, and chicken care
  • Snow shoveling
  • Car washing
  • Grass mowing
  • Lawn and garden watering
  • Babysitting (mother’s helper work while a parent is home)

Some of what we’ve learned during this process:

1. Get acquainted with your neighbors.  Since we had already grown familiar with folks while out walking or playing at the park, it was much easier for our kids to generate customers.  It was also more comfortable for me to have the kids set up a “business relationship” with people I already knew.

2.  It was necessary that my husband and I participated in the initial work agreement.  We helped the boys think through whether a requested job was appropriate for them.  For example, they were asked to mow grass early on and we declined, knowing this would be beyond their abilities.  Last summer, however, our 12 year-old began mowing lawns with a push mower.

3. Keep the kids’ prices low and consistent.  Children are the ones completing the work and thus the finished product isn’t perfect.  Low prices are fair and keep neighbors coming back.  Additionally this is a learning experience for our kids as well as a money-maker.  Low prices also acknowledge this aspect.

4.  Dog walking and care is too much for young kids to handle. (But that’s another post.  Just trust me on this one.)

5.  It has been gratifying for our sons to have a way to earn money in order to buy the things they want.  We require them to save 25% of their earnings in long-term savings, put 10% in a “give” envelope for charity or gifts for others, and they can do what they wish with the rest.  This system has also helped our boys with their math skills, by the way.  They must figure out all those percentages, and they never want to short-change their “spend” envelope by computing the math incorrectly.

In The First National Bank of Dad, David Owen strongly advises against kids working for money during high school.  He thinks that if kids don’t truly need the money, they should be spending free time on extracurricular activities such as writing for the school newspaper or acting in the school play.  I agree that those activities are preferable to bussing tables for 20 hours a week.

However, Owen doesn’t address less-invasive work that children might take on, such as Stephen and Daniel’s small business.  We give our children a fairly meager allowance which gives them even more incentive to supplement their cash supply through neighborhood work.

Now when my kids want to buy something with their money they are learning the concept of life energy presented in the famous book, Your Money or Your Life.  According to authors Dominguez and Robin, we each have a finite amount of life energy, and money is something we choose to trade our life energy for.  After a number of steamy lawn mowing sessions, my son Stephen now considers how many sweat hours it would take to pay for the item he’s considering before he buys it.  This is a lesson extracurricular activities can’t teach.

This summer another neighbor, Rich, thought Stephen at 13 was old enough to use his electric mower.  He inquired whether Stephen would be interested in mowing his front and back yards weekly.  Stephen liked the idea and Rich, who’d already raised two sons of his own, asked Stephen to present him with a fair price for this job.  Stephen offered a price, then began talking with Rich about the 10K he’d run for the first time this year.  Rich happens to be a world-class runner who is always supportive of kids learning his sport.

Toward the end of their running conversation Rich said, “Stephen, I’ve got another proposition for you.  You mow my lawn six times and I’ll pay you with a pair of running shoes.”  Rich also happens to be sponsored by Saucony.  This was exactly the right motivational tool for our 13 year-old boy!  Stephen excitedly agreed.  At the end of the summer Rich helped Stephen pick out a pair of brand new Sauconys.  Stephen chose shiny silver ones adorned with black and red stripes.  He (and his parents) couldn’t have been happier with this creative arrangement.

 

What kind of work did you do as a kid?  What lessons did it teach you?  Leave a comment below!

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Life Skills | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Summer Updates

Posted on June 30, 2011 by Suzita

Due to my expanded summertime childcare hours, part two of our D.I.Y. home project, and a train trip to San Francisco, I will not be posting for the next two weeks.  In the meantime here are some updates people have requested.

A summer evening at Chautauqua park in Boulder

Natural Consequence Outcome

Daniel had an amazing time in Yellowstone with his grandparents and cousin on their Road Scholar intergenerational adventure.  Although the weather forecasts had suggested the trip would be cool and wet, luck shined down on them and their weather was ideal.  Great conditions for learning about and enjoying Yellowstone.  Subpar conditions for suffering through the natural consequence of being cold due to forgetting your fleece jacket.  (See post.)  I guess Daniel will have to learn the importance of packing carefully on another vacation.

New Pet(s)

Those of you who read the post, Lizard or Snake?, may be interested to know that on Daniel’s 11th birthday, after hoping and waiting for two years, he received a lizard.  He named his new leopard gecko, Zorro.   Since leopard geckos typically have a twenty-year lifespan, Todd and I were hoping to find a “previously owned” gecko, thinking we could perhaps cut the lifespan in half that way.  I know that sounds callous, but twenty years of life!  This means that my own grandchildren might play with Zorro some day.  We struck out on the “used lizard” front and ended up purchasing a young gecko, our only pet store option.

Zorro sports a rainbow of colors overlaying black dot designs, which would make a college kid choosing a first tattoo jealous.  His cage needs to stay between 80° and 90° F, a bit of a challenge.  Once a day Daniel feeds Zorro a live cricket.  Crickets cost 11¢ apiece.  They often die before Daniel is ready to feed them to the gecko. We’re still figuring how many crickets to buy at a time, but Daniel buys them with his own money.  We don’t have an abundance of crickets in Colorado, but I think our next step will be to have Daniel learn the cricket catching trade (as long as local crickets won’t injure Zorro’s delicate Middle Eastern constitution.)

On Annie’s 8th birthday she became a “parent” as well.  She picked out two Chinese dwarf hamsters.   She’d been hoping for a hamster since last year and dutifully checked out hamster books on each library trip.  After all that reading I’d learned a thing or two about these little creatures.  I knew most hamsters are loners, but dwarf hamsters are an exception.  I also read that their lifespan was 1-2 years, and they had no special temperature requirements.  Since Jumper and Puffer reside in Annie’s room, she is learning the true meaning of nocturnal.

Stephen’s Lesson in Consumerism

My sister, Heather, gave Stephen her old iPod complete with hundreds of great tunes.  After a while, though, the battery stopped holding its charge.  Hence Todd and I took a trip to the Apple store.  We went alone because we’ve learned not to bring our children into this computer “candy” store.  We showed the teenage salesman Stephen’s iPod and asked if we might purchase a new battery.  He looked at the gadget, declared it to be in good condition, and informed us that it was what Apple refers to a classic model.  Then the salesman said they don’t sell replacement batteries for classic models.

When I related this experience to Stephen, he responded in an incredulous whisper, “Planned obsolescence!”  After my disappointment at the Apple store, I was buoyed by Stephen’s accurate use of knowledge gained from the Story of Stuff video.

Stephen came home from science camp today saying that for those of us who use Google, there is a lower energy alternative called Saveswatts.com.  It’s sponsored by Google but has a black background, among other small differences, and uses less energy per search.

A Birthday Party Game that Makes Kids Think

My friend Marsi has always had a knack for birthday party games.  One year Todd and I followed up on one of her good ideas and created a complex treasure hunt.  We’ve now done the treasure hunt for probably five birthday parties over the past three years.

A small warning:  Once you create this type of treasure hunt, the children (your own and previous year’s guests) will request one each year.  So be sure to keep your clues filed somewhere easy to find on the computer for future year’s modifications.

For the actual treasure hunt, it’s worked well to split party guests into two groups, each group having a coach, as well as completely different sets of clues.  Make the clues fairly challenging and feel free to throw in a few rhymes.  Here are some examples we used this year with 6-8 year-olds.

1.  Annie likes me but I’m not to Stephen’s taste.  We’re friends with tea, ice cream and toothpaste.  (mint growing in the garden)

2. Without me people would stay on the ground.  With me they check out the mountains around.  (the staircase to our neighbor’s upper deck)

3. I have numbers but am not a phone.  I have letters but am not a book.  Outside is where you should look.  (our car’s license plate)

4. I can swallow it all, even worms too.  Then come next year, your garden looks new.  (our outdoor compost)

This game takes some work to set up, but the kids’ pride in working so hard to decode the clues makes it well worth the trouble.  More than one parent informed me that their daughter had come home that afternoon and created her own treasure hunt for her family to follow.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Natural Consequences Are Painful to Observe

Posted on June 23, 2011 by Suzita

“I think I’m going to miss you guys a little, but mostly it will be really fun.”  These were Daniel’s parting words as he left with his grandparents for a week-long trip to Yellowstone.

Elderhostel, recently re-named Road Scholar, organizes numerous trips for seniors, many of which my parents have thoroughly enjoyed over the past 15 years.  A few years back fellow participants enlightened my parents about trips designed for grandparents and one or two of their grandchildren (between ages 8 and 12).  These adventures are known to be some of the best Road Scholar offers.

Stephen took the first grandparent/grandchild trip with my father and stepmother last summer.

Destination:  Grand Canyon

Length:  5 days

Activities included:  hiking, train trip, boat trip, and swimming

There were also hands-on classes with naturalists.  A high point was building the sediment layers of the Grand Canyon using play dough in shades of red, orange, and tan.  They were even given various fossils to stick into the correct rock layers.

Daniel’s time in Yellowstone will include bicycling, horseback riding, and kayaking.  Also on the trip is my stepsister Lisa’s oldest son, Grant.  Living in separate parts of the U.S., the boys hadn’t spent time together in the last 5 years, so Daniel (who you’ll recall is one of my extroverted children) was thrilled by this prospect.  And indeed the boys got along swimmingly during the days they spent in Boulder before leaving for West Yellowstone.

Daniel was overjoyed to spend 24 hours a day with Grant.  The boys’ interests matched up like cog and chain on a bicycle, an apt description since we spent much time on bikes each day.  We rode to get groceries, to show Grant a large prairie dog community, to visit the used bookstore to stock up for the car trip.

The only problem came when it was time pack up for departure.  Daniel had one eye on packing and the other on what Grant was doing across the room.  Even when Grant was out of the room, full-focus eluded our Daniel.

Todd and I looked at Montana’s upcoming weather.  Highs in the 60s, lows in the 30s, with some clouds and rain.  Not exactly easy summer weather.  Because of this we ended up doing most of Daniel’s packing for him.  Right here, the experts would probably tell me I should have left this to Daniel.

But here’s the deal.  I can’t seem to let my kids experience natural and logical consequences when it comes to warmth and thirst.  These are such core survival matters that it’s hard for me to let the kids fail or suffer from their mistakes in these areas.  Yet, I look around and other people don’t regularly struggle with these lessons for their kids.  Why me?

One theory.  When I was a kid my stepfather, Dan, owned an outdoor equipment and camping store called Appalachian Outfitters.  He opened this store long before REI dominated the scene.  Appalachian Outfitters was the place in the DC area where you went when you wanted to start doing more serious hiking or rock climbing, for example.  You’d walk in and be advised by an employee who had just returned from climbing Everest.

It was a cool place, and when I was old enough Dan recruited me to work there.  After enduring a summer of counting inventory in the dim, dusty warehouse, I was promoted to the clothing and hiking boot section of the store.

Appalachian Outfitters was one of those local businesses that took pride in customer service.  I was trained extensively on fitting people with the correct shoes and boots for their needs, and teaching them the difference between down, thinsulate, polypropylene, wool, 60/40 cloth, nylon,  and gore-tex.

Before I began to work at my stepfather’s store, he’d often have to badger me to wear a hat in the winter.

“You know you lose 99% of your body’s heat through your head,” he’d admonish.

“But Dan, I just curled my bangs!”

I’m not sure Dan was aware of it, but my working at his store was nearly a perfect solution.  Once I started educating others about how to stay warm and dry in the elements, I took the message to heart.

Research shows that if you can get a child to teach something to another, they will learn the lesson best themselves.  That’s the thinking behind “group work” at school, everyone learns from it (though it also seems many don’t enjoy it).  The same idea is used to explain why first children tend to have slightly higher IQ scores than their siblings.  They spend so much time “teaching” their younger brothers and sisters.

So working at Appalachian Outfitters laid the groundwork for my future challenges when it came to letting my kids compromise their “warmth” due to poor clothing choices.

As for my issue with thirst, it may be related to spending my childhood in humid Virginia.  Yeah we got thirsty, but there was so much moisture in the air that simply breathing practically met your liquid needs on hot days.  Then I moved to the Mountain West, land of no humidity, and I was suddenly thirsty a lot.  I noticed people carrying around water bottles and soon became a convert.  But the Virginia kid in me is still a bit worried I’ll be caught without needed water at some point in this partial-desert.   So, of course, I transfer this little anxiety to my kids.

Daniel and his escorts left for Yellowstone two days ago.  A few hours after they left, I saw Daniel’s fleece jacket on the floor of his room.  I’d carefully explained to my distracted child that on this trip “his warm outer layers would be a fleece and a gore-tex shell.”  Now he was minus the fleece.

Daniel will, therefore, be experiencing what many parenting books refer to as natural consequences.   As psychologist Lynn Clark writes, nature does the punishing for the poor choice, not the parent.

What Clark does not explain is how uncomfortable it is to watch this outcome unfold.  When the consequences are not a problem for me – falling into a chilly stream in summertime when you weren’t being careful at the edge, not eating enough dinner and being hungry later, forgetting your homework and suffering your teacher’s wrath, I do fine.  I can let my kids struggle (and learn the vital life lessons) while remaining fairly calm.

But with warmth and thirst issues, I’m sitting on my hands, and talking myself down.  Luckily by the time I’d learned of the forgotten fleece, said child was 100 miles away.  I called my parents later and I’m proud to say that I did not beg them to buy another fleece.  Instead I urged them to let Daniel suffer a bit.  Daniel could always wear multiple layers of long-sleeve t-shirts from his suitcase.

So, I did it.  Daniel is on a cold trip in Yellowstone without a fleece and hopefully he’ll learn a lesson about careful packing (against a backdrop of having an amazing time with his cousin and grandparents).

Oh, and did I mention that when Daniel first called home, he had yet to realize he didn’t have his fleece?  (He’d been in the car for much of the prior day.)  But he did complain, “You didn’t fill up my water bottle!”  Another natural consequence followed, no doubt.  I merely said, “I’m sure you figured something out.”  Perhaps I’m slowly improving.

____

Note:

Psychologist and parent Lori Gottlieb just wrote a great article in The Atlantic titled, “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy: Why the Obsession with our Kids’ Happiness May Be Dooming Them to Unhappy Adulthoods.”   It discusses similar issues of letting our kids experience life’s hard knocks.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

How Not to Read Shakespeare

Posted on June 16, 2011 by Suzita

My plan had such potential!  Why did it crash and burn so quickly?

I wanted to read some Shakespeare with my kids this summer.  When I mentioned my idea to a few other parents, one loaned me a version of The Tempest that she and her 10 year-old daughter had loved.  It was an adaption written by Lois Burdett, an elementary school teacher from Ontario, Canada.  She evidently teaches Shakespeare to 8 and 9 year-olds by changing the plays into long rhyming poems.

Here is her beginning to The Tempest:

I convey you to Europe, off Italy’s coast,

A sorcerer, Prospero, will soon be your host. 

As we wait his arrival, cast down your eyes,

The ship below us is near its demise.

It tosses and heaves in the frenzied sea,

The storm boils with anger, wild as can be.

A few pages into Burdett’s Tempest, I began to adore it.  I couldn’t wait to read it aloud to my 10 and 12 year-old sons.  Yes there was challenging vocabulary, but she also included the well-known passages, such as:

Full fathom five, thy father lies:

Those are pearls that were his eyes,

Sea nymphs hourly ring his knell,

Hark! Now I hear them, ding-dong, bell.

The boys sat patiently at first as I translated the difficult words and summarized tricky sections.  They seemed to be following the plot fairly well.  A half hour later we quit for bedtime.   As we sat down to read the next day, however, each began to balk.

“Why do we have to read this again?  I don’t like this.”

I pushed on, hoping they’d settle into it.

But when I corralled Stephen and Daniel for our third session, they mutinied.  I couldn’t believe it!  Burdett teaches Shakespeare to children younger than mine.  I guess I just assumed my kids could do it.

I was so disappointed and frustrated.  As I thought about it later, maybe my disappointment was because I myself had enjoyed the reading so much.  Finding reading material that is engaging for parents to read aloud is nearly as essential as picking books the child is drawn to.  This parent is partial to rhyming books which use interesting vocabulary.  Burdett’s Shakespeare was ideal for me.

My first response was to get angry and warn the boys that they weren’t going to pass the summer reading comics.  But after I’d cooled down I remembered the words of Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish in How To Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk.  (Stephen is turning 13 in mid July and I want to be ready.)

“Invite your child to give his or her point of view then ask them to brainstorm ways to solve the problem.”  (This is so obvious it hardly merits writing down, but evidently I needed to hear it for the who-knows-how-many-ith time.)

When I asked the boys why they didn’t want to finish The Tempest, Daniel, my 10 year-old, responded that the poetry format was too hard for him to follow, even with my explanations.  Stephen reminded me that he’d read Macbeth at school this past year.  He said he’d rather read Shakespeare’s actual words on his own, not aloud.

I thought to myself, “Some people spend years of graduate school deciphering Shakespeare, and you’re going to just comprehend it on your own?”   But, I didn’t say anything.

Since none of us is at our best right now while living with construction in our basement, I handed this struggle over to Todd.  I think he was happy to take a break from fitting glass block into a wall to distribute more light.

Within the next half day Todd had managed to have a constructive discussion with all three kids about some of the academic tasks we’d like them to work on this summer.  If you don’t count Shakespeare, mostly it’s math and Spanish, and not a lot mind you.  Maybe an extra 1-2 hours each day broken into two sittings.  Nothing compared to school.

Possible morals to this story:

  1. Don’t read Shakespeare when your home is under construction.
  2. Canadian children have a greater natural love for Shakespeare than American kids?
  3. Let Todd run any family meeting addressing academic goals.
  4. Females enjoy Shakespeare in a rhyming poetry format more than males.  Accept it and move on.
  5. Have your kids share their summer wish lists with you before diving full-force into your own.

What am I missing? Advice?  Leave a comment below!

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Education | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Raising Your Spirited Child While D.I.Y. Remodeling

Posted on June 9, 2011 by Suzita

When my son Stephen was a year old, I visited my aunt and cousins in Seattle.  While we toured their recently renovated home, my aunt commented that kids have different “space needs” as they grow, and ideally one can expand a house here and there so it can grow with them.

I remembered looking at my outwardly calm, teenage cousins and wondering just what my Aunt Rika meant by this.  My energetic toddler seemed to need infinitely more space than these low-key girls.  But I figured I’d cross that bridge when I got there.  Most likely I was soon distracted by the need to protect their lovely home from Stephen’s tottering energy.

In the past couple of years, I’ve returned to my aunt’s advice.  As my two oldest kids have grown, they’ve begun bumping into each other more frequently in our small home.  Sometimes this seems to be for the pleasure of the contact.  Our boys speak to each other physically as well as verbally.  Other times it reflected the crowding in the bedroom they shared as they grew taller by the month.  This prompted us to move toward “growing” our house.

Each summer Todd and I take on at least one moderately challenging home improvement project in our home. Last year we created an egress window in our basement which allowed Stephen to move into his own bedroom down there.  In the process we dug and hauled more dirt than I ever believed possible.  (See the Digging the Whole Hole post, one of my favorites.)

This summer we are demolishing an interior wall in the basement, and erecting a new one.  This will yield one medium-sized bedroom for Stephen and another larger multi-purpose room.  The big room will serve mainly as a kids’ rec room.

We hope to fit a small ping-pong table in one part and create a movie watching zone in a second area (with a home office nook thrown in as well).  We wanted to make a space for our kids and their friends to hang out, now and in years to come, separate from the regular family areas.  Our kids may still end up spending all their down time at friends’ houses, but at least we will have made an attempt at keeping them here.

So here we are midway through the remodel.

Todd and I did indeed demolish the wall on our own during the kids’ last two days of school.  The demolition was physically challenging but surprisingly satisfying, aside from the abundant dust.  And happily, we found the wood studs in good shape and reusable.  Next we’ve been watching our contractor, Alex, build the new wall.  It’s halfway complete.

The surprise was that the remodel itself wasn’t the hardest aspect of this process.  Instead the rough part has been the five of us living in a space the size of a hotel suite. This, my friends, has not been pretty. Why did I not foresee this?

As I was moving the contents of a bookshelf to prep for the demolition, I came across a book I’d read eight or nine years ago, Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  I’d read it first more as a child psychologist than a parent.  I’d heard rave reviews from many a parent and wanted to see for myself.   When I found the book the other day, something urged me to re-read it.

These days my kids don’t fit the typical definition of spirited.   And though my husband has referred to me as “high maintenance, but in a good way” more than once, I didn’t expect to see myself on so many of this book’s pages!  Perhaps it should be titled Living with Your Spirited Mom.

On other pages I also see my kids, and lastly even some of my husband.  Todd is probably the least “spirited” of the five of us.  Remember how he was also the one who we predicted wouldn’t eat the marshmallow in the Marshmallow Test for self-control?  Not fair.

But it turns out these personality variables which lead us to be more or less spirited are part of our innate temperaments.  We are born with these genetically based temperament characteristics and we can work with them, but we can’t change them.

In the 1950’s personality researchers Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas were among the first to describe temperament.  They identified nine temperament traits, each on a continuum from mild to extreme.  Spirited children tend to fall on the extreme end of some to many of these traits.

So I’m reading about temperament, amidst loud banging and high-pitched drilling coming from our lower level, while dust defies gravity by wafting upstairs as if our not-so-big basement simply can’t contain it all.  The smell of the dust is somewhere between chalk, paste, and a more intense chemical that I don’t want to think too hard about, or I will definitely become more spirited than I wish to be.

I look up from my book and see three additional bookshelves and two beanbag chairs which usually live downstairs, somehow stuffed into the corner of our already European-sized (read: small but workable) living room.

It occurs to me that I probably struggle more than I realized with the temperament traits of adaptability (how we handle changes and transitions in our lives) and sensitivity (heightened awareness of noises, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood).

As I read another chapter, I am informed that introverts need their own private space in order to recharge.  This renovation has taken my most introverted child, Stephen, out of the bedroom he waited eleven years for, and back to sharing a room with his brother.  Upon reading this, I went straight to our bedroom to clear a space on our window seat for Stephen.  At least he’d have one small place in which to read in peace.

Then there are my two extroverted children, Daniel and Annie.  This project has cut into their social schedules quite severely.  We’ve been so focused on the remodel work that we haven’t let them have friends over regularly.  “As soon as the new room is done” isn’t working anymore.  Annie has been getting surly, and Daniel has been sneaking time on his brother’s eight year-old, hand-me-down iPod which evidently has one video game on its tiny screen.  Who knew?

The last thing I am reminded of when reading the Spirited Child book is the fact that all five of our family members are either high or extremely high on the temperament trait called energy level.  We don’t do well sitting, standing, or being still.  Perhaps this is why you see an exercise theme consistently running through this blog.

When we are stressed or cooped up, we need to move even more than usual.  Therefore my new family survival plan, at least until the basement project is finished, is to exercise (whether working out at the gym or playing at the park) with the kids at least three times a day.

Sound tiring?  Perhaps you were lucky to be born lower on the energy level continuum than we happen to be!  If so, just sit back and enjoy it.

Comments?  Leave one below!

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

“The Story of Stuff” with Kids

Posted on May 26, 2011 by Suzita

School ends tomorrow, as I write this. We don’t have much in the way of camps or full-day activities set up for the kids, part of the me-not-working decision. (See previous post.) Instead we undertake what I refer to as Mom Camp. Just me and my three young friends exploring Boulder’s vast holdings. (Let’s hope they feel vast this year.) Anyway, I’m not sure how my blog writing will change with our summer schedule.

Therefore, I’m going to take the next two weeks away from writing in order to transition once again into full-time parenting. Also, we’ll be pulling off a DIY home renovation project over the next two weeks which will leave our computer harder to access. I’m sure I’ll be updating you on Mom Camp and the “moving a wall in our basement” project. Until then…

_____

Our family doesn’t watch a lot of television. What has actually helped immensely on this front is the fact we don’t have cable. When the only channel is PBS, and even that doesn’t come in on windy days, the kids just aren’t drawn to television as much.

Because our TV screen has less to offer than those of other homes, my kids’ focus often turns to our family computer, located in our most trafficked home zone. The two older ones enjoy emailing their friends, watching YouTube videos forwarded by friends or relatives, or exploring programs like Worldmapper.org. It’s nice for me that we all share the computer because I’m not the sole person shooing kids off this screen. Instead the “shooer” tends to be the next person with a computing need.

Even so, we try to not have this computer on constantly. (We have another computer for Todd’s work by the way, no kids allowed.)

The other day when Daniel couldn’t figure out anything better to do, he asked me if he could play this online, math-based computer game, the only type of video game he’s allowed access to at our house right now. It gets so exhausting to say no to kids all the time! I know you get this. I’m always trying to set up yes situations, but this time of year seems to be extra “no” heavy with so many end-of-school projects, tests, and events to do.

Daniel begged perhaps two more times to play the math game, when finally I came out with a yes. Not to the low-quality computer game featuring Garfield of all characters, but a “yes” to something else on the computer.

I told my  kids, “Here’s the deal. You have to ask me before you watch YouTube videos or play online games on our computer. But you never have to ask me before you watch Story of Stuff videos. You can watch any of them as many times as you want!”

They were pretty into my new rule. (They probably thought at least they had a foot in the door.) But I had my visions too.

As you may have guessed, I love the message in The Story of Stuff. I adore its funky cartoon format which engages kids and adults alike. I love that I learn so many new facts watching them. And as I may have mentioned elsewhere, Annie Leonard is one of my current day heroes.

Before I made my proclamation, I’d already shown my kids The Story of Stuff. Daniel watched it first when he was 9 and could understand the general message, especially when he viewed it more than once over the next few weeks. Annie, age 7, comes and goes and probably doesn’t really get it, but she’s not about to say no to one of Mama’s few screen-time yesses.

One morning last Fall, I was watching The Story of Cosmetics for the first time and soon 12 year-old Stephen was peering over my shoulder. I hadn’t even called him over like I usually do.  I figured he’d never last through a make-up video, but I was wrong. I’m telling you, Annie Leonard has power.

Then a couple months ago at Annie and Daniel’s school it was indoor recess again due to rain. We Coloradans just aren’t very familiar with rain and frequently keep the kids inside because of it. (Can’t remember one day of indoor recess as a kid in wet, green Virginia.) After school Daniel proudly exclaimed, “I had my class watch The Story of Bottled Water at indoor recess! They really liked it.”

I think you’re going to like it too.  These are only 3 of 6 videos.  Check out the Story of Stuff website to see them all!  Leave a comment below with which one you liked best.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Life Skills | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Invisible Family Economics

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Suzita

When I was working, certain things were easier – to explain at least. When I received a paycheck, the amount I brought to our family financially was right there in black and white. I don’t mean to imply that all things were easier when I was working. You see I am not a skilled multi-tasker. I’m not even an unskilled one.

I recently heard about a study which found that only a tiny proportion of people, something like 4-6%, are true multi-taskers. This small minority actually improved on the task at hand while doing something else simultaneously. To me these people are like superheroes, or at least similar to the bionic mentors of 1970’s TV.

However, this same research also found another group, much larger than the first. These folks believe themselves to be competent, even skilled multi-taskers, when in fact their true multi-tasking abilities are nowhere near this level. But hey, we all use a little self-deception now and again to get us through. I’m not one to judge, I’m just repeating the research findings.

Finally there is the group to which I belong, the uni-taskers. We know our performance doesn’t improve as more is added to our plates. And frankly we don’t even pretend to enjoy keeping track of many tasks at once. (Actually this third group was not mentioned in the study I heard about, but being a part of it myself, I felt I couldn’t leave it out.)

Once I became a parent my multi-tasking disability made my job outside the home much less rewarding. This is the positive aspect of my not working for income right now. I’m content to have far fewer daily items on my list. But the focus of this post is actually on the opposite side of this coin.

Now that I’m no longer drawing a paycheck, it’s much harder to see what I’m contributing to our family financially. And in these challenging economic times I want to help ease the financial burden for our family of five. I feel like I’m helping out, but whenever someone asks me how, I don’t have a clear answer.

As I’ve thought more about this I realize part of the reason is that what I “do” for our family now is more invisible than when I worked, and it’s difficult to describe what you can’t see. Daniel Pink writes about looking for the “negative spaces” within the big picture. “Peer past what’s prominent and examine what’s between, beyond, and around it.” He says when we become aware of these negative spaces, the positive spaces will “snap into clearer focus.”

Along these lines, one of the main ways I currently support our family financially is by creating situations where we don’t spend money. For example, when my sons wanted to learn more soccer skills than Todd or I could teach them, I arranged to babysit the daughter of our semi-professional soccer player neighbor in exchange for some private soccer lessons. But looking back on this situation, it’s consistently difficult for me to conjure up that negative space–in this case the money we didn’t spend on soccer camp.

Another invisible boost I give to our family is in the area of gift giving. In the past few years we’ve had a larger than usual number of weddings, anniversaries, births, and big birthdays (those ending in zeroes) for which we’ve wanted to give gifts. Because I’ve been painting a lot recently, I’ve created most of these presents. But again, it’s hard to respond to the question of what I bring in financially when the answer is, “The work I put in allows us not to spend money.” This response isn’t easily converted to an exact dollar amount.

painted Lazy Susan gift

When I consider the areas our family would spend money on anyway, such as buying clothing or athletic equipment (bikes, balls, cleats) for our kids, this leads me to additional negative spaces in which I work. I’ve utilized the ever-helpful parent network to find sports or even pet care items with which others are finished. (And of course there are a number of families to whom we give the usable items we’ve outgrown.) Finally, I have one incredibly generous friend who hands down nearly all her daughter’s gently worn clothes to Annie.

Much of the rest of what my kids need I buy during our three-month yard sale season.  Some people adore “yard-saling.” For me it’s more like work than a fun diversion, but I continue this undertaking because it meets so many of our family’s material needs. (And I appreciate being able to recycle and reuse resources too.)

But again when someone asks, “What do you bring to your family financially?” or more realistically when I ask myself this question, I’m still initially speechless. It would be enlightening to quantify in dollars every needed thing one attained without buying. And wouldn’t this number technically be the same as what one earned?

So, I guess I could take a stab at tallying the prices of all I haven’t bought. But with the effort I’m already putting into this invisible family savings plan, this extra job would come a little too close to multi-tasking for this uni-tasker.

What are the invisible family economics at your house? Leave a comment below!

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Life Skills | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Setting Goals: Unexpected Results

Posted on May 12, 2011 by Suzita

Summer vacation is right around the corner. I always get a little panicky this time of year. The entire summer yawns out before us. And my three energetic kids rarely transition smoothly into its less-structured rhythms.

Recently I saw something that encouraged me to put a tad more structure into our wide-open summer.

I was re-reading a book called Smart Couples Finish Rich, by David Bach. This book is every bit as valuable as its title is awkward. I find myself hiding the cover a bit when I’m reading it in public. But you know what they say about judging books by their covers…

Bach has one chapter which takes you through the process of writing down your values, since it is upon these well-thought out values that you will base your family spending. Each partner carefully compiles a list of his or her 5 most important values, then shows the other person. This sharing exercise was quite eye-opening in and of itself. As you might imagine, few couples list identical values.

Todd and I completed this values exercise 4 years ago when I initially read this book. When I read it again recently, I dug out our values lists. Interestingly, all this time later we still held the same ones.

Next Bach moves to the topic of making goals, based on your previously defined values. This is when I resolved to do some summer goal-setting with my kids.

First I explained to them a bit about the book I’d been reading. Then I shared some of my goals for this summer. And next I asked the kids to think about 2 or 3 goals they had for this summer.

Annie (age 7) looked confused, so I offered her some prompts. “Perhaps you would like to make a goal of reading a certain number of Boxcar Children books this summer. Or maybe you’d like to work on a particular gymnastics skill.”

She walked into the living room and began doing handstands which is often her kinesthetic way of pondering big things.

Stephen (age 12) was still sitting at our kitchen table contemplating my suggestion. Or at least that’s what I optimistically assumed he was doing as he sat silently. These days I’m never quite sure what’s going on in that adolescent brain. He said he’d get back to me on this.

Daniel (age 10) generated one goal fairly quickly. “I want to memorize the Periodic Table of the Elements!” Daniel, my budding theater kid, has always been skilled at memorizing, so this wasn’t outside the realm of possibility for him. He told me he’d need more time to come up with another summer goal.

At about this point I heard a miserable sobbing sound coming from the living room. When I investigated its source, I found Annie folded into a crumpled heap of frustration on the floor. “I’m not having any gymnastics goals this summer because I can’t even do what I used to be able to do!  I’ll never be able to do anything new,” she wailed.

Turns out she’d momentarily lost the ability to do a round-off, her pride-and-joy skill of her last gymnastics session. She was incredibly frustrated and disappointed, more so than I would have expected actually. Annie’s round-off reaction, likely brought on by my goal-setting conversation, led me to conclude that having a 7 year-old generate summer goals wasn’t such a great idea.

Young elementary school children are regularly required to work on fairly challenging academic goals.  Think back to those first years of reading and writing.  Each of my three kids experienced a phase around age 5 or 6 when drawing regularly ended in tears.  They knew exactly what they wanted to draw or write, but couldn’t make their hands produce it.

When our second child hit this phase we clued in a bit more and simply removed all drawing implements from his play area, as well as ignored the teacher’s requests to have him write at home (a little guilt here, but honestly it was making things worse in the short-term not better).

Eventually each of our kids made their way out of this challenging stage and became friends with markers and paper once again. But watching Annie’s tear-stained face that afternoon reminded me that she’d only recently left that fragile time behind. Setting summertime goals was perhaps too stressful for a kid her age.

LATER AT DINNER:

That night as we sat around the dinner table casually discussing Daniel’s commitment to memorizing the Periodic Table, I suddenly remembered something.

“Kids, do you know how the world’s best memorizers remember things?”

A New York Times Magazine article (Feb. 15, 2011) described these techniques. I told them that, first off, memory experts pick a place, usually a familiar building. Then they create images, the weirder the better, which symbolize the things they are memorizing.

The experts place these images in a certain order throughout the place they’ve chosen. After this is complete they work to memorize their images within the building. Then when they want to recall all the items in order, they simply “walk back through their uncle’s New Jersey two-story” in their minds.

“Let’s do this with the Periodic Table,” Daniel exclaimed. And this became our dinnertime project.

Daniel chose his grandmother’s 150 year-old Virginian farmhouse as his building. He decided that when he walked into the house her dogs would greet him with a lick and a “Hi” (for Hydrogen). Next he would look up and see Helium-filled balloons on her ceiling.

As we considered what could symbolize the third element, Lithium, I reminded him that it was best for remembering purposes if the images were pretty zany. Daniel had suggested we put a grocery list on the refrigerator door (list = Lithium), when his big brother Stephen piped up.

“Yes, put the list right next to a postcard of naked roller skaters in San Francisco!”

Todd and I simultaneously commented that Stephen had clearly gotten the point of making the image as strange as possible. But we were also curious (and a bit concerned) about how our son came up with this particularly memorable image.

Then Daniel responded, “I know just the one you’re talking about! Momo has had that postcard on her refrigerator forever!”

And that’s when we remembered that Stephen hadn’t in fact invented this striking image. This photo is actually on his grandma’s refrigerator door.

Sometimes reality rivals the finest imagination.

Daniel has now memorized the first 18 elements of the Periodic Table, but for me Lithium will always be the easiest to remember.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Education | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Don’t Eat That Marshmallow Or You’ll Hurt Your S.A.T. Scores!

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Suzita

Setting:  Our family computer

Stephen (12): “I want to show you something awesome Ben taught me to do on Google Earth!”

Daniel (10): “I got here first! I want to watch that YouTube video Colin sent me!”

Annie (7): “Well, I need to check the weather!” (This is the only thing we allow Annie to do by herself on our computer.)

Waiting.  Self-control.  Patience.  Delaying gratification.  Mastering these challenging skills remains a work in progress at our house.

When I was reminded recently of the famous Marshmallow Experiment, I re-read it with interest (and a little desperation) because it suggests there are particular mind games that kids (and the rest of us) can play to increase self-control significantly.

The Marshmallow Study

In the late 1960s, a now well-known psychologist named Walter Mischel brought 4 year-olds to a small office within their preschool. The windowless room didn’t have much going for it from a 4 year-old’s standpoint–no bright-colored toys or books. However, in the center of the barren room was a desk with a tray of goodies of approximately equal size and desirability. The treats included marshmallows, Oreos, and pretzels, but over time this study has become referred to merely as the Marshmallow Study.

As part of the study, Mischel told each child that he or she could pick ONE treat to eat right then, or wait while he (Mischel) left the room for a time, and receive TWO treats when he returned. Then Mischel exited, and the 4 year-olds were left to their own devices, while being filmed by a hidden camera. He didn’t return for 15 minutes!

Before you read on, think back to yourself as a young child and envision what you would have done. Now consider your children. If you’re like me you came up with perhaps one candidate who might have pulled off the wait.

All in all, 653 four year-olds participated in the Marshmallow Study. The majority of the children waited less than 3 minutes before giving in and eating the object of their desire. Only 30% of the kids held out the entire 15 minutes and received 2 marshmallows.

The New Yorker (May 18, 2009) wrote about this study, interviewing Mischel and some of the research participants. The article depicted a range of precious images caught on tape as the kids attempted to delay gratification. Some kicked the desk which held the treats. Others covered their eyes or pulled their own hair. One stroked the marshmallow as if it were a pet, and some sang songs to themselves.

Mischel was able to collect further data on most of these children again much later in their lives. Who would have guessed that 4 year-olds who delayed gratification would get higher S.A.T. scores years later?

Mischel later wrote a book, The Marshmallow Test, explaining that his study showed that the children who could wait the whole 15 minutes had S.A.T. scores on average 210 points higher than children who could only wait 30 seconds. Wow. Not that high S.A.T. scores tell it all, but that’s a noteworthy result.

Basically the Mischel’s Marshmallow Study highlighted the importance of self-control or will power as a component of intelligence, at least the type of intelligence measured by aptitude tests.

In the New Yorker article, Mischel explained his understanding of the study’s results. The vital skill the patient kids had was the “strategic allocation of attention.” Turns out they’d found ways to distract themselves from the “hot stimulus” or marshmallow. This view of will power explains why the marshmallow test has relatively high predictability for future success. If you can distract yourself from “hot emotions, then you can study for the S.A.T. instead of watching television, and you can save money for retirement” rather than spending it now, Mischel explains.

Of course I asked my kids to pretend they were in this situation.  Here’s what I got:

Annie (age 7): “I’d put a piece of paper between me and the marshmallow.” After thinking about it some more she then said, “No, I’d stare at it as hard as I could.”

Daniel (age 10): “I’d play hand games. Then I’d look out the window, and then I’d make up some more games to pass the time.”

Stephen (age 12): “Mama, I’m so not in the mood to answer this.”

Thus, I have one child who would have likely scored with the majority, another child who might have succeeded in waiting, except that being his mother I know how much he likes sweets. So, I’m going to have to stick him into the majority group as well. And I’ve got yet another kid who likely could have met the challenge, but is now in middle school and therefore is completely uninterested in this sort of thing.

When it comes to sweets in our house, my kids will tell you that the answer to the question “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” is almost always “Mama.” That will help you decide where I likely would have landed in the Marshmallow Study. But Todd’s always been more of a patient, salty-snacks guy. I’m thinking he might have been our family’s only chance for success on the marshmallow test.

But there’s hope…

What Mischel realized was that if he showed the children a few mental games, their ability to delay gratification shot way up. For example, he taught the kids to “pretend the treat [was] only a picture surrounded by a frame” and other techniques which helped them keep some distance from their desired object.

Mischel recommends that parents establish “rituals of delay” at home such as “not snacking before dinner, saving allowance, and holding out until Christmas morning.” However, it’s also essential to discuss with your kids what tricks they have found helpful for waiting, as a way of making these mental processes more visible. This way they will remember later that they have some skills that can help them wait.

Now I need to find a gentle way to inform Annie that her idea to “stare at the marshmallow until the guy came back” is likely not an optimal choice when it comes to postponing the intake of life’s future marshmallows.

________

The Marshmallow Study reminded me of a somewhat similar documentary film series that Todd and I were quite addicted to a few years back, called  The Up Series. In 1964 a British documentarian selected 14 seven year-olds from a range of socio-economic backgrounds in England and interviewed them at length. The success of this initial film, 7 Up, led to subsequent films of the same children every seven years and on into adulthood. I believe they are currently filming 56 Up.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Teaching Social/Emotional Skills | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Encouraging Innovation and Ingenuity

Posted on April 28, 2011 by Suzita

Recently our family’s dinner conversation centered on the anniversary of the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico and the current disaster at the nuclear power plant in northern Japan. No, not all our dinner table topics are this sober.

“Okay, which one of you said you were going to invent an efficient and inexpensive solar car?”

“It was me, Mama,” said Daniel, our ten-year old, perfectly seriously.

Hearing Daniel’s response, I remembered that he has indeed been stating for maybe two years now his plan to invent this “when he grows up.” For Daniel, who often has a new item he’s saving his allowance for every few days, this constitutes quite a commitment.

“Daniel, I’m thinking the product delivery date on that solar car needs to be moved up a few years.”

“I still want to do it, Mama.” (Again, completely serious.)

In these trying environmental and economic times, it’s inspiring to me to read about tangible innovations. I’m awed by the bright, resourceful people out there inventing better and cleaner ways to get things done.

I worry that schools in America now don’t excel at teaching kids to solve many of the thorny problems today’s world faces. (Unless the challenging predicament at hand is how to get as many answers correct as possible on an Advanced Placement exam.)

You would hope that memorizing facts is just one small instrument on a tool belt of skills kids take away from their schooling, not the main one.

So, I’ve been thinking and reading about how to encourage ingenuity and innovation in my kids. At this point, the only thing I do consistently is excitedly inform my kids about cool new inventions I hear about.

For example, a while back I heard a BBC story on a guy who invented what is basically a piece of sidewalk pavement that turns people’s footsteps into energy which can power a light or be saved in an internal battery. How novel! People already walk on sidewalks, whether these include one of these Pavegen stones or not. We might as well use this renewable footstep energy to power something. And of course it’s only a short leap to envision these pavement pieces in streets where cars could offer even greater amounts of energy to run traffic lights, perhaps. And Laurence Kemball-Cook, the inventor of this original apparatus, is in his early twenties! Inspirational.

Then there’s the article I just read about psychology professor, Alan Poling, who came up with the innovative idea to train rats (specifically Giant African Pouched Rats, which aren’t actually that large) to sniff out land mines. Since rats are lighter than dogs they are much less likely to detonate the mines while searching. Plus these rats are less expensive to house and feed, and are more resistant to tropical diseases. What an ingenious idea that’s actively saving lives!

But Alan Poling didn’t stop there. Next he decided to train rats to sniff out tuberculosis in people’s saliva samples at overseas medical labs. Turns out rats have better accuracy than lab technicians and can test hundreds of samples per day, whereas techs top out at forty daily samples. I quickly added Alan Poling to my list of current day heroes.

In the book, A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future, Daniel Pink highlights the value of innovative thinking now and in the near future. Thinkers who can combine concepts from differing fields of knowledge to solve complex problems will be most needed, and highly compensated.

Pink refers to this innovation aptitude as symphony. It involves seeing patterns and synthesizing, rather than delivering specific answers and analyzing. In order to encourage this aptitude, Pink recommends various exercises including:

1. Listen to musical symphonies.

2. Read magazines on subjects you know little about. These will give you a new perspective and may offer solutions in other areas of your life.

3. Take a drawing class in order to learn more about perspective, relationship, and how pieces fit together into an integrated whole. 

4. Notice and ponder metaphors when you come across them. The aptitude of symphony is enhanced by metaphorical thinking.

5. Create an inspiration board, a bulletin board of photos, drawings, pieces of material, anything that inspires you. Then notice the patterns within your board.

6.  Brainstorm. This is an actual skill, not a fad. Pink teaches the basics in his book.

7.  Try new things and get comfortable being an amateur. The mind of an individual first experiencing a new area of study is most likely to notice solutions which can be utilized in other fields. 

Pink also recommends another book, Why Not? How to Use Everyday Ingenuity to Solve Problems Big and Small, by Barry Nalebuff and Ian Ayres. These authors suggest we look for creative solutions to problems, then consider whether these fixes can be used in other problem situations. They note that traveling to foreign countries is a good way to find innovative solutions which haven’t yet made it across borders.

Nalebuff and Ayers also promote looking at a current issue or product upside down in order to consider new ways of doing something. A thriving business generated out of this flipping technique is Priceline. Priceline flipped the old way of doing business in which airlines and hotels set prices. Instead they have the customer present the price he or she is willing to pay.

I think I’ll use many of these suggestions with my kids. I plan to start by listening to more musical symphonies and noticing metaphors. Maybe we’ll create a metaphor journal so we can reread our collection from time to time. I already have an inspiration board, but I bet this would be an engaging summer project for my kids.

And of course I can’t help myself when it comes to sharing the inspirational inventions I find.

Have you learned of any stellar inventions of late?  Leave a comment!

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Education | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments